Who brings out the best in her? Who makes her feel alive — bursting with uncontrollable lust and wonder? Who makes her feel safe — protected by a shield of shared vulnerability? Who makes her heart skip a beat? Who makes her smile from ear to ear? At the end of the day, Conrad and Jeremiah would be vastly different as long-term partners. So, let’s break down Belly’s relationship with each Fisher boy. 

Mild spoiler warning for The Summer I Turned Pretty, Season 2

Belly and Conrad: Unrequited love at last fulfilled

Conrad will always be Belly’s first crush. The boy she has wanted since she can remember. The boy she’s been ogling at from afar with stars in her eyes since she was in braces. Thus, when Conrad finally responds to her yearning and grows to see her in the same light, she is filled with the euphoria tied to (ultra) delayed gratification. Conrad’s love for Belly is so intimately intertwined with Belly’s sense of self and coming-of-age that it gives him a power over her that he does not deserve to wield, but she cannot resist. 

Conrad also boasts that mysterious and brooding nature that’s oh-so-intriguing to the naive adolescent. Brooding is sexy. There’s something to uncover. There’s something for Belly to break through and, once she’s in, she can rummage through all his mess, becoming his emotional savior. It’s an aspiration almost never met. It’s a pipe dream with the slightest degree of possibility — an ever-so-marginal chance —  which keeps her chipping away as if it were an addiction. She is addicted to making him the man she sees (or at least trying to). However, Belly is one of the only people who can see through his defenses, and he does let her in (in doses). 

Conrad is also very protective over Belly, and he thinks about her all the time. He is a sweet boy — just a broken one. He’s thoughtful and compassionate (let’s not forget about the necklace). He goes out of his way to defend Belly when necessary, and he will never do anything to hurt her intentionally. He boasts several positive attributes. but, when push comes to shove, he brings to the table the power of unrequited love fulfilled and the intrigue tied to mysteriousness. 

Belly and Jeremiah: Friends to lovers 

Belly and Jeremiah have so many shared memories as best friends fooling around  — hooting and hollering while partaking in bestie traditions. They make each other laugh with ease. Jeremiah knows all of Belly’s favorite snacks. All her favorite movies. All her hopes and all her dreams. All her stories — so many of which are wrapped up in him. 

The two of them fit together like PB&J. It’s so easy, but it is a consequence of such ease that there’s also a lack of tension. There’s a lack of heat. It’s not inexistent, but it pales in comparison to the sparks Belly feels with Conrad. Belly and Jeremiah are cute and cozy. Belly and Conrad are hot and heavy. 

That being said, Jeremiah will never leave Belly to wonder. He’s open about his feelings. He shared with her, in the most recent episode, why he couldn’t kiss her during Truth or Dare — and it’s because he would never be able to stop. The way he wears his emotions on his sleeve — viewing his vulnerability not as a curse but as a badge of honor — makes his dynamic with Belly more sincere and fruitful. 

Jeremiah is understanding and compassionate, but also fun-loving and free-spirited. Belly can always count on Jeremiah for a good time; he will always want to go out of his way to put a smile on her face. There’s a stability to Jeremiah that Conrad does not bring to the table; he is Conrad’s opposite, making him easier to navigate emotionally. Jeremiah also reciprocates Belly’s feelings from the start, making him the more reliable choice. Yet, reliability and consistency aren’t always sexy when you’re young and explorative. It should be, but shoulds and coulds only go so far. 

At the end of the day, it feels as if Belly needs to get Conrad out of her system. She needs to make her way through her feelings for him and come out on the other side — over this love that has boiled for so long. And, just maybe, when that happens, she’ll see the perfect match that is Jeremiah. However, whether she’ll be worthy of him then is another question entirely. 

I knew we’d have to walk away from the harbor. I knew we’d have to fly back home. I knew she had to move across the country and I’d stay in our old town alone. I knew everything would change, because that’s what life does—it flows forward. It moves on. It is constantly transforming, and it alters us along with it. Even if we could return to that very same place and sit along the water in that very same way, we wouldn’t be the same. 

I didn’t tell her that, though. There’s something terrifying about saying it out loud, about acknowledging the truth that even the best moments of our lives eventually become part of the past. But what I wish I could go back and tell her now is this: No matter what happens, we’ll always have this summer.

We’ll have the sun in our hair and the water against our bare feet. We’ll have the wind playing with the hems of our skirts and the feeling of magic in the air. And we’ll have each other, laughing over jokes we know someday we won’t remember but that fill us up with so much happiness right now. In this moment, all of this is ours.

And maybe someday we’ll look back and feel like we lost something. Maybe we’ll mourn the fact that we can’t go back and relive it all again. But it feels like such a disservice to overlook how lucky we are to have ever had the chance to experience it in the first place. 

The truth is, life is too short to always be looking forward. We can’t predict the future; we don’t know the ways the world will change us over time. But that’s why it’s so important to hold onto these moments when we have them, to give ourselves over to them completely. To laugh when you want, to dance when you feel the urge, to love with abandon. To cry when you need to and recognize that even these difficult times deserve to be honored. When you let yourself truly exist within a moment, the idea of what happens next starts to feel a little less overwhelming, because you finally understand that this is what matters—right here, right now.

Because I was right—I haven’t returned to that harbor. I haven’t even seen my friend in years. The world has changed in so many ways since those halcyon days, and so have I. But five years later, I still look back and think: Even if everything is different now, even if we will never get it back, at least we had that summer. It means everything to me.

It’s the real thing if you find yourselves talking seriously about the future.

If you’re only going to be together for the summer, then you’re only going to be making plans for a few days, or maybe weeks, into the future. You might talk about hypothetical dates you would go on in the future, but nothing is set in stone. However, if it’s the real thing, then you’re going to be figuring out how to make the relationship work beyond the summer. You’re going to be setting plans for months later because you plan to keep each other in your lives permanently.

It’s only a fling if you aren’t putting an official label on the relationship.

If this person keeps making excuses about how they don’t like labels or about how they want to keep their options open, then your relationship is probably not going to last much longer than a season. After all, if they want to keep you in their life forever, then they’re going to be clear about their feelings. They’re going to make a real commitment and put an official label on the relationship, so you can start your journey as a couple.

It’s the real thing if you develop a deep, emotional connection.

Summer flings are about passion. You’ll spend most of your time together kissing and holding hands, enjoying your physical connection. However, if it’s the real thing, then they are going to let their walls down completely. They’re going to open up about their deepest secrets, fears, hopes, and dreams, then ask you about yours. They’re going to give you access to every side of themselves, not only the surface layers.

It’s only a fling if you never spend time alone together.

Even though it’s fun to hang out with big groups of friends, especially over the summer, you’re never going to develop a deep connection if there are always other people around. Remember, make-out sessions shouldn’t be the only time when you’re alone together. If you’re always hanging out in big groups, and only sneaking off for kisses, then it’ll be hard to get to know each other as well as a couple should. However, if it’s the real thing, then you’ll go out on actual dates. You’ll spend one-on-one time together. You’ll make time for each other.

It’s the real thing if they post about you online.

If they’re keeping you a secret, then there’s a good chance you’re only a fling and they want to look like they’re still single so they don’t lose their chance with anyone else. But if they delete their dating apps and post pictures of you on social media, making it clear you’re a couple, then it’s the real thing. They’re showing you off because they’re proud to be with you. They’re excited to start their love story with you.

It’s only a fling if they are always inviting you out at the last minute.

If they refuse to set plans in advance, they’re probably waiting to see what other options come along. They’re probably only inviting you out when they’re bored and lonely, when they have nothing better on the agenda. Of course, you shouldn’t be a backup plan. You should be the first person they want to hang out with when they have free time.

It’s the real thing if they introduce you to their family.

No one is going to bring you around their parents on purpose if they’re planning on walking away once the summer is done. If they’ve invited you to family parties and are introducing you to all their favorite people, then they are picturing you as a permanent part of their life.

It’s only a fling if they refuse to talk about their feelings for you.

Even if they like you, a relationship is never going to work if they aren’t sharing their thoughts and feelings. Someone who really wants to be with you won’t be shy about how much they care about you and how much you mean to them. So if they never give you compliments or talk about how much they like you, then there’s a chance it’s only a fling and their attraction is more physical than emotional.

It’s the real thing if they’re putting in as much effort as you are.

If they want to be a permanent part of your world, they’ll show you that they care through their words and their actions. They’ll put effort into initiating conversations, keeping conversations going, planning dates, and making you smile. If they’re actively trying, it’s a good sign. It means they want you around forever, not only for the summer.

Aries 

Aries, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Shut Up and Dance” by WALK THE MOON. You are a passionate and intense fire sign who doesn’t waste time debating whether or not you’re going to go after someone you find attractive. You just do it! You are bold, fun, and ready to fall in love this summer.

Taurus 

Taurus, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Mine (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift. You want a steady love, a love that makes all of the other loves from your past irrelevant. You want a relationship that makes sense, that feels safe, and that lasts well past the summer.

Gemini 

Gemini, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)” by Whitney Houston. You are playful with your heart. You want a romance that is fun and exciting, someone you can have deep conversations with and someone you can also dance the night away with at the bar.

Cancer 

Cancer, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Home” by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. You are a homebody at heart but nothing makes you feel more secure than being with someone you love (and who loves you right back). For you, love feels a lot like coming home, which is why this is the perfect summer track for you.

Leo 

Leo, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift. Not only do you want to be celebrated, you don’t believe in hiding your feelings either. You don’t want to be secretive when it comes to who you love. You want to love out loud and let everyone know it.

Virgo 

Virgo, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Electric Touch (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)” by Taylor Swift featuring Fall Out Boy. When it comes to romance, you take your time. You are very cautious with your heart because you know what it feels like to have to put it back together. That said, you still want to fall in love. You just want to take a calculated risk, that’s all.

Libra 

Libra, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Cruise” by Florida Georgia Line. Always ready for romance, you want a love that feels like summer: hot, romantic, and hopeful. You want to spend these next few months finding love whenever you can.

Scorpio 

Scorpio, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Slide” by The Goo Goo Dolls. You struggle to trust and are hesitant to give your heart away before you are sure it’s the right person. You want someone who is all in and crazy about you. That is the only type of love for you.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Feeling This” by blink-182. You have an adventurous spirit with a heart that is hard to capture. That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be down for a summer fling, though. You don’t mind fleeting romance. In fact, you prefer it. Because just like summer, there is a season for everything.

Capricorn 

Capricorn, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Nice For What” by Drake. You have no time for the games that come with modern dating this summer. You are booked and busy. You need someone who is upfront and honest with their intentions. Otherwise, you’re not interested.

Aquarius

Aquarius, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Electric Feel” by MGMT. You require a mental connection in order to fall for someone else. You need that special intellectual spark. You want a love like no one else, a unique romance that is hard to define. That is what will keep you interested.

Pisces 

Pisces, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Lover” by Taylor Swift. You are a hopeless romantic and wear your heart on both of your sleeves. Your sensitive and intuitive nature makes it easy for you to see the best in others, and you have a tendency to fall in love rather quickly. You love love and this is why your summer song is “Lover.”

1. You don’t magically stop loving them.

Even if they did something heinous, something that makes you sure you never want to see them again, you’ll be surprised to learn that the love you had doesn’t just filter away. It doesn’t slip through your fingers like sand, but instead sits inside you like a ghost. You feel its presence strongly at first, then the love fades only to a whisper in the background.

2. You see them everywhere, even if just in the way the sun moves.

You’ll be reminded of them every day. Your song will come on and you’ll feel that heartache anew. You’ll pass the ice cream parlor where you had your first date or hear their name in a stranger’s conversation and it’ll be yet another reminder of what you lost. While it’ll sting at first, you’ll come to look on these reminders fondly, because they show you a glimpse into the past that shaped who you are in the present.

3. Your true friends will hold your hand through the rough parts.

When you’re in the very middle of your heartbreak, your entire world is turned upside down. The things you found fun aren’t important anymore. You just want to spend your time trying to heal. The real friends, the ones who always have your back, will step up to be with you for the hard times. They’ll show you that they have your back, even when you’re a sniffling pile of heartbroken sadness.

4. The physical toll of heartbreak is real–and it hurts almost as much as your emotions.

They call it heartbreak for a reason. The physical symptoms after the breakup are very real. Your chest will hurt, you’ll experience exhaustion and a massive headache from crying yourself to sleep. You might even feel general pain from head to toe. During this time, it’s just as important to take care of your physical body as you’re taking of your complex emotions.

5. Even though it’s hard, your heart will slowly heal.

The biggest lesson of all, the one that will stay with you for months, years, decades, is the incredible power you have when it comes to healing this impossible wound. In the first moments after your first big heartbreak, you’ll feel like you’ll never recover. But you will, bit by bit. And before long, you’ll start to feel yourself again. You’ll know that, no matter what new heartbreak happens in the future, you’ll survive that, too.

There’s a hollowness that comes with a breakup. 

Laying in bed at night, my body felt fragile as the sheets settled around me. My tomorrows felt like hurdles. My todays were weighted in solitude. My mind was a treetop filled with birds that would not stop cooing, even when I wanted silence.

You prepare yourself for this– the hurting, the decaying. Shedding a layer of yourself to bloom ripe again but you’re not quite there yet. You’re still detaching yourself from them and aching through it. Peeling each memory away and saying goodbye to a certain intimacy; how it felt for someone to know your every thought, dream, meal, cry, failure, success, and so much more. Breaking up ensues a mourning process that we all expect but trudge through slowly; waving goodbye to old sayings, jokes, nicknames, and songs like fading highway billboards while we keep driving forward.

We can be so lost in the river of our own wallowing that we lose perspective. But slowly, bit by bit we lose our tunnel vision and discover the many people rafting alongside us. Our friends, sisters, brothers, neighbors, etc. that have stepped into our grief with us and are holding our hands through it all; acting as our lifebuoys ready to bring us ashore.

Late at night when my mind felt cinderblock-heavy, and my fingers wanted to type I miss you, my best friend would call to keep me company. Each day she checked in, keeping me level while my world felt askew. I visited friends in different cities and we watched old romcoms that reminded me how sweet love should be; visited museums that reparked my love for art and my desire to write; and cooked new recipes that helped me to savor flavor again. I cried to them about what I missed and why I left and they listened. Every morning they echoed,

you are strong

I’m so proud of you

there is so much more joy in store for you 

and I felt myself replenishing.

Each moment spent alongside them helped me come back to myself. Instead of spending my days lamenting a relationship that was no longer serving me, I began rejoicing in a life that was even more fulfilling than before. A life nourished by my mother’s baked ziti; loud music sung with friends on long drives in the sun; group workouts in the grass; laughs over reality tv show gossip; cuddles with a dog that has loved me from cringey adolescence to adulthood; my list goes on. Instead of dedicating days, nights, and precious heart space to a partner that did not bring out my best, I could now devote hours, days, weekends to the people that did– the ones that know me to my core; the ones returning me to my center. 

To the friends that love us through heartbreak, thank you for staying. Thank you for breaking our heartbreak and helping us rediscover ourselves. Thank you for reminding us that we don’t need anyone else to feel whole and that when we are feeling vulnerable, we have you to lean on. 

True friends are soulmates. They are there for the bright times, saying cheers with a glass of wine and smiling big for your wins. They are there for the dark ones too, offering you the tenderest comfort or bounds of forgiveness. When you feel like you’re drowning, true friends roll up their jeans and wade into the waters of heartache with you. They remind you endlessly that you are not alone because they are our anchors, our lifebuoys, our rocks to hold us steady always. So, to these friends, the ones that love us abundantly through heartbreak– thank you for staying; for carrying us out of our grief; for reminding us who we are and how much bliss we have left to experience because you are by our side. 

And I hope you know that if the time comes, I will wade knee-deep beside you too, because true friends stay.

Because we are in this life together.

Find a love that is warm, like feeling the sun on your skin. A love that hugs you like a soft towel around your body.

Find a love that feels the way sunsets look, like when orange and pink wed across the sky and it feels as if the colors are swallowing you whole. A love that feels like standing at the edge of the ocean and looking out to the horizon with a calm, hopeful spirit.

Find a love that feels safe for you to let your inner child out, to look at life as if everything is new and pure. A love that feels fun, like running through the sprinkler and feeling the grass between your toes. Find a love that is exciting, like chasing down the ice cream truck. A love that satisfies that craving you’ve had, but one you never get tired of tasting. Find a love that you want to savor.

Find a love that feels exhilarating, like diving into the ocean or racing your bike down an empty road. Find a love that feels like driving with the windows down, singing along to your favorite song, and feeling your hair blowing in the wind. Find a love that feels free.

Find a love that feels like summer, even when it’s cold and gray and you feel like despair is going to swallow you whole. A love that shines a light into your dark world. A love that is a comfort, a friend, a shoulder to cry on. A love that will reassure you that even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, everything will be okay.

Find a love that inspires hope. A love that makes you believe in love again — that makes you believe in life again.

The first season premiered to critical acclaim, as the intergenerational narratives and sweet and spicy rom-com appeal made for a taste of summer escapism — with depth beyond the everyday beach read. With season 2 set to premiere on July 14, 2023, the cast sat down with TODAY to discuss what viewers can expect from the story moving forward. 

Spoiler Warning for Season 1 of The Summer I Turned Pretty

The main characters in ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty’ are maturing and, with that, comes new struggles 

Young love is folly. Young love is bubbly. It’s fearless. It feels all-encompassing, but it’s wrapped up in so much wonder and naivete. It’s innocence meets infatuation. But…what happens when young love blossoms? What happens when people age and discover what true commitment and devotion look like? 

While the main characters in The Summer I Turned Pretty are still quite young in season 2, they’re maturing. The new season will focus on their characters’ growth and how that interweaves into the love triangle. When Hota Kotb asked how the cast members would “encapsulate” what viewers can expect to see in season 2, Tung shared: 

“I would say the characters go through a lot of growth and have experienced new things, as you do when you grow up and are sort of learning how to deal with these new feelings and changes in their relationships…dealing with family, love triangle…”

Briney chimed in with a similar sentiment, noting: 

“I think, sort of in relation to the first season, the second season grows up with these characters. Because they’ve experienced a lot of big things in their life up to this point, bigger than they had going into the first season…the tone sort of goes along with them.”

Based on Briney and Tung’s explanation, Season 2 of The Summer I Turned Pretty may boast a more serious tone. Their life circumstances (following their discovery that Conrad and Jeremiah’s mother has cancer) are definitely a bit more somber than they were in season 1. However, based on the teaser trailer for the upcoming second installment, the show will still boast its signature flair for flirtation and fun. But, right after you finish giggling, you might want to grab the box of tissues because a tearjerking scene is bound to follow suit.

Throughout the season, Conrad struggles with his feelings for Belly while coping with a kind of grief he feels he can’t talk about—which, to Belly, only makes it seem like he’s not really interested in her, he’s just playing with her heart. And while it’s perfectly valid for Belly to say, “This is not good for me” and walk away, the problem lies in her automatically assuming that Conrad—the boy she grew up with who was always kind to her—did everything he did fully with the intention of hurting her and not because he was going through something big and painful of his own.

You can’t expect people to wait for you, but there is beauty in letting them be there for you.

When Belly told Conrad she was no longer going to wait for him, it clearly hit him hard. He spent so much of the season caught between what he wanted and what he thought he needed to do. And while it’s clear that he did what he thought was best for everyone, it was also clear that Belly would have been there for him through it all if he’d only given her the chance. While it’s certainly true that sometimes we need to go through certain journeys on our own, it’s equally true that sometimes we’d be better off with someone who loves us by our side—and it isn’t until Conrad opens himself up to that possibility that he finally feels the weight lift from his shoulders.

Communication is key in any relationship.

So much of this first season was about a lack of communication—Susanna not telling anyone about her cancer prognosis, Conrad not telling anyone he knew she was sick, Conrad not being open about his feelings for Belly, Belly not being transparent to Jeremiah about her relationship with Conrad, Jeremiah scheming to get Conrad out of the picture instead of being open about his own feelings for Belly. And while so much of it is true to life, it makes you wonder how different the story could have been if everyone put their hearts on their sleeves and said what they really meant. There would probably be a lot less broken hearts, at least!

Love requires action—so show people how you feel.

It’s clear from the beginning that Conrad is interested in Belly, but he makes a pretty concerted effort to cover it up. But even once his feelings become clear, he doesn’t actually do much about it—he never lets his love become an action. That’s why it’s so easy for Belly to turn her affections towards Jeremiah, who is always so willing to show her how he feels—whether it’s by teaching her to drive to get her mind off of something bad, constantly trying to spend time with her (and being visibly excited to see her), and telling her exactly how he feels. It isn’t until the end that Conrad begins acting fully on his feelings—buying Belly muffins for her big day, stepping in to dance with her, and stating clearly how he feels about her—that he finally gets the girl.

The people who want you will choose you.

Similar to the last point, the people who love you will choose you—even when you feel like there are reasons they shouldn’t. Steven and Shayla illustrate this point perfectly, specifically when Steven learns one of Shayla’s wealthy classmates has feelings for her. He gets worked up about it, but she calms him by reminding him that she doesn’t want her classmate and that she chose Steven. It was never a question about whether he was “enough” or if he fit into her high class world. She loved him so she chose him, simple as that.

Choosing love means choosing to be brave.

Near the end of the season, Belly admits that actively choosing to be with Jeremiah would mean opening her heart to something scary and potentially hurtful, which she wasn’t sure she was ready for. But if you want real, true love, you can’t half-ass it—you have to dive headfirst, even though there’s always a chance it’ll end in heartbreak. It’s easy to love someone from afar; to an extent, it’s even easy to love someone who you don’t think could love you back, because it protects you from ever having to go all in. It takes courage to let yourself give in to love fully—but more often than not, that bravery is worth it.

You deserve to be with someone who is your sun.

Belly’s mom hit the nail on the head when she said, “For Belly, Conrad is the sun. And when the sun comes out, the stars disappear.” At the end of the day, her feelings for other people didn’t really matter when Conrad was around, because he eclipsed all of them. And that’s how love should be—you shouldn’t be with someone just because they’re interested in you, or just because everyone else thinks they’re right for you, or even just because you’ve convinced yourself it’s what’s best. You deserve to be with someone who sets your soul on fire and makes you feel certain that this is where you’re meant to be.

You never truly forget your first love.

Here’s the thing about first love: it changes you. It shapes the way you see relationships and marks your soul. And you will likely grow away from it, and you will likely move on from it, and you will likely fall in love with other people afterwards. You may even recognize it wasn’t good for you at all. But it does stick with you, because nothing that introduces you to something as life-altering and beautiful as love can ever truly be forgotten.

One thing I hear again and again is: I wish someone told me this sooner!

No one prepares us for navigating dating and relationships. They don’t include that in the high-school curriculum. It’s pretty much trial and error and trying not to get too burned in the process.

People always ask me where I get my ideas and inspiration from… and for the most part, I”m writing to my younger self… fortunately, there are many many people out there who relate to her!

So here are the most life-changing pieces of relationship advice I wish I knew sooner:

1. Choose wisely.

Your relationship success is basically determined before you even enter into the relationship. It starts with who you choose.

I used to be the classic stereotype of the girl who only wants the guys she can’t have and is turned off by those desperately in love with her.

And time and time again I was left utterly baffled as to why things never worked out for me. Why did they never want me like I wanted them? Why did it never get past a certain point? Why did I always feel so powerless in my relationships?

Oh right, I’m only going after emotionally unavailable guys who are incapable of giving more than measly scraps, and I’m taking those scraps and seeing them through rose-colored glasses and exaggerating the bare minimum effort and turning it into some grand romantic gesture thus deluding myself into believing the relationship is more significant than it is, and then I’m left shattered when the inevitable happens even though the writing was on the wall in bright red ink the entire time! Silly me!

But seriously, choice is everything. You can’t choose a loser and expect him to transform into a winner. Yes, you might be the most amazing woman he has ever been privileged to know, but it will not be enough to save him or change him or fix him or whatever it is you hope to achieve here. You have to see a situation for what it is and focus only on the truth about who he is … and not on how sexy he is or how funny he can be or how hot the sex is. Focus on what matters, and these things aren’t what set the foundation for a lasting, loving relationship!

If you want a serious relationship, choose a guy who wants the same thing. If you have certain values, choose a guy who shares those values. If you want to start a family in the near future, choose a guy who also wants that.

Love isn’t enough to conquer incompatibility and emotional baggage. You have a choice when it comes to who you want to be with, and that choice gives you power. Use it wisely!

2. What are you bringing to the table?

I’m gonna tell you something that may be hard to hear- but you need to ask yourself what you’re bringing to the table here.

You want this amazing guy who is confident and has it together and is kind and smart and funny and 6’4 with a thick head of hair, but what are you offering him?

Like attracts like- if you are insecure and emotionally unavailable, that is what you attract. But wait a minute, I’m not emotionally unavailable, I want a relationship more than anything! Well, if you’re insecure and using a relationship to fill a void, then you are unavailable because that behavior is coming from a place of deep down fearing you’re not good enough, and the subconscious mind is always looking to prove itself right so you will be drawn to people who treat you like you’re not enough.

If you want that amazing, emotionally healthy partner, you need to be on the same wavelength. Focus more on turning yourself into what it us you want… rather than outsourcing the job and thinking you’ll become who you want to be when you meet the right person.

3. Stressing ruins relationships.

Another thing I find myself saying over and over again when presented with a relationship problem is: stop stressing!

Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves?

We’re so worried about the relationship that we can’t be in the relationship. I totally get it, though. The fears are real. What if he doesn’t like me as much as I like him? What if he isn’t serious about me? What if he’s a liar like my ex? What if he cheats on me? What if he finds someone better?

You think hitting certain milestones will keep the crazies away, but that doesn’t work either. Maybe you think as soon as he calls you his girlfriend you’ll be able to relax. Then he makes it “official” but you worry about him having second thoughts or changing his mind. Then you think you’ll feel better as soon as he says “I love you,” and that works for a little… until he goes a few days without saying it and you wonder if he totally changed his mind. Then it’s as soon as you move in together or get engaged .. there is always an as soon as and there is always a new thing to stress over. Stop all of it!

It gets you nowhere. All you’re doing is feeding your own insecurities and giving them more strength and power over you. Also, it doesn’t feel good to be around a stressed-out person. It creates a negative vibe that’s just off-putting and even the most emotionally clueless man will be able to pick up on it … and that is what will actually stop your relationship from progressing.

Try to relax and just be in the moment. And when you start to worry and stress, calmly and gently remind yourself that you will be OK no matter what. You can handle it. And if you can handle it and you’ll be OK… then what is there to stress over?

4. You can’t win them all.

This is probably the toughest lesson to learn, but so important for your sanity and self-esteem.

So let’s say you’re seeing a guy and you fall hard and fast. He is everything you’ve ever wanted, he literally checks every box. You can’t help but get excited about the possibilities … but then he ends things. He just doesn’t think you’re right for him, he feels like something is missing, he thinks you’re great but now just isn’t a good time. And you are crushed beyond belief. You mentally go back in time analyzing everything about the relationship to figure out what you did wrong. Why weren’t you enough?

You are enough. You’re plenty. You just weren’t the right girl for him and that’s OK because not everyone is a match. You make a mess for yourself when you take it personally because it really isn’t personal. Just like I’m sure you’ve dated wonderful guys who were crazy about you and you just didn’t feel the same. It’s not that they were horribly flawed, it just wasn’t right.

All you can do is work on being your best self. You’ll never be perfect because that’s impossible, but you can work on refining who you are, on tackling your insecurities, and on healing from your old wounds and hurts. This is all you have control over.

The key to inner peace is taking 100% responsibility for what’s under your control and relinquishing 100% responsibility for what isn’t under your control.

5. Your vibe matters more than your looks.

Yes, looks matter. No, they don’t matter as much as you think.

Your vibe determines so much more when it comes to how people respond to you and how much success you have in your relationships. And the good news is your vibe is totally under your control!

It’s about managing your mood and not letting yourself be overcome by anxious thoughts and negativity. It may feel like you have no control, but that’s not the case. You can control the thoughts you allow to enter your mind and your thoughts control how you feel.

If you engage with negative thoughts, they will keep coming at you, putting you in an anxious and worried state. If you can keep those thoughts away and only allow positive thoughts to penetrate, your entire life will change, not to mention your relationships.

One of the most important things to understand about men when it comes to relationships is that men move toward what feels good. When it feels good to be around you, he wants to be around you. That’s really all it takes to get a man to commit and invest in you and the relationship.

6. Good relationships don’t always feel good.

Here’s the thing that no one really tells you: good relationships don’t always feel all that good…but it’s not for the same reason bad relationships don’t feel good.
Bad relationships are the ones filled with all the drama. The highs are higher and the lows are lower. When I say “bad relationship,” I mean everything from a toxic, codependent situation, to a relationship with a man who won’t commit in a significant way, to a match that is simply incompatible.

But in a good relationship…a relationship where you’re on the same page, when you aren’t waiting anxiously for the next text, a relationship where wondering if he likes you just seems ridiculous because you know exactly how he feels…well, those are the relationships that bring you face to face with who you truly are.

Sometimes they will bring out the best in you because we all have inherent goodness within us. And sometimes they will bring out the worst in you because a lot of us have been burned or are holding on to traumas from the past that we didn’t even realize were still buried within us.

Sometimes there will be nothing wrong in the relationship but you will feel sad or anxious or upset. You won’t be able to blame this on the fact that he didn’t call or text or that you’re not his girlfriend or he hasn’t said “I love you” because he never leaves you hanging… he was proud to call you his girlfriend…he adores you and you know he does. The feelings aren’t coming from him, they’re coming from you. If you’ve been hurt in the past, this feeling of unease is your deep-seated trust issues. If you can’t seem to trust that he’ll be there for you, then out come the fears of abandonment.
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There’s this idea that in the right relationship, everything will just be perfect. He’ll be the other half of your soul, you’ll reach a level of happiness you never knew existed, and you’ll feel secure and comfortable and confident. A good relationship can give you these things for sure, but not on its own. It has to start from within. If you don’t already feel good, if you still have issues to work through, if you have a void within, you will never fully be able to trust him, you will never truly feel “good enough.” No matter how many sweet things he says or does, you will never be able to give and receive love freely.

When we’re single, we’re often unaware of the work that needs to be done because those parts of us that are hurt and need to be healed don’t get accessed. Or maybe we do know but think the right guy will make it all better. Love forces you to face yourself. Love brings up all that is unloved within us. And you can’t hide who you are when you are in a good, loving relationship. Instead, you are forced to face it and deal with it. Your partner will always reflect back who you really are (and vice versa). And everything that happens will be much more emotionally significant.

Love isn’t meant to make you happy, it’s meant to make you grow.