Wiest discusses how we often unconsciously sabotage ourselves when we start to experience joy and positivity in our lives — a major theme of her book The Mountain Is You. This self-sabotage limits our forward momentum and connection to our desires. To overcome these joy extinguishers, we need to become aware of our upper limits and work to expand our capacity for positivity and happiness.

Wiest emphasizes that recognizing and overcoming our own upper limits is essential for achieving greater success, happiness, and fulfillment in our lives. She references the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks as a valuable resource for understanding and overcoming the upper limit problem.

In addition to discussing the upper limit problem, Wiest also explores the importance of seeing things from a new perspective, being aware of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, and expanding our capacity for joy and positivity. Find the podcast on your favorite platform or YouTube.

Quick Links

• Brianna Wiest Podcast on Spotify
• Brianna Wiest Podcast on Apple Podcasts
• Read The Pivot Year Now on Shop Catalog
• Free PDF version of The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest 

The Pivot Year consists of 365 daily meditations, each one guiding us through the process of becoming who we were always meant to be. However, while The Pivot Year is a new book, Wiest’s mission of self-actualization is nothing new. Over the past decade, Wiest has inspired and challenged us and encouraged us. Wiest’s work has been deeply important in my own life and I know this is true for countless others. Her writing has moved me, called me out, and brought me back together. And I know The Pivot Year will be another cornerstone book for me.

But don’t take my word for it. In her own words, here is author Brianna Wiest on her latest book The Pivot Year, which meditation was most important to her, and why she writes the way she does.

First off, congratulations on the publication of The Pivot Year! Can you give us a brief rundown about what this book is about and how it differentiates itself from your other works?

The Pivot Year is different from my other books primarily because it’s a collection of daily meditations. I intend for it to be something you can read bit by bit, to incorporate into a morning practice, or bedtime routine. I want it to be something that feels digestible and easy and not intimidating to approach. I think that no matter how hungry we are for change and inner growth, sometimes it can just be hard to find enough time — and I don’t mean minute for minute, but really the mental space. Everyone is busy. We all have schedules and responsibilities and stressors. I want The Pivot Year to be something that can have a profound and positive impact on you without taking up so much of your day. 

For you, which meditation from The Pivot Year has been the most important in your own life?

This is a beautiful question and I think I would have to say it’s actually the few paragraphs that I included into the introduction, where I explain that the process of changing your life in the way it needs to be shifted is not one where you more closely align with external expectations, with the kind of person you think would make you more loved or appreciated or seen — but the kind of life that more clearly reflects the truth of who you are inside. The person you really are. The person you want to be. The life that gives you peace. The life that makes you proud. Even if other people don’t understand. 

How does someone know when they are in the midst of a pivot period? In other words, how does someone know they’re actually ready to change their life? 

None of us are ever ready for change, because change is never comfortable. So it’s not something that we will easily choose, even if it’s what we do genuinely want. However, I think what matters is reflecting on the fact that change has an inevitability factory to it. Our inner selves whisper until they scream — and the journey is about learning to hear and honor those whispers, to change when we are feeling nudged, before we are being forced. 

Some years are more transformative than others, and a pivot year definitely will be one of the most expansive years of someone’s life. Do you have any advice for someone about to undergo their own pivot period? For example, are there any challenges to be expected? Anything beautiful to look forward to?

You are meant to evolve. You are meant to grow. You are meant to change. In the world we live in today, where we are often connected to a collection of every person we’ve ever known throughout all the phases of our lives, it can feel extra difficult to break through all of the layers of expectation and find our inner truth. I want you to remember that not only is this natural and normal, it’s healthy. It’s healthy to grow and experiment and it takes bravery to do so. Most people are content to accept a life that they can deal with, rather than fighting for one they will savor, one they will be proud of at the end of the day. When you begin your pivot period, you’re not just ending one chapter and beginning another. You’re opening yourself to a way of living that has you responding more to the moment you’re in. Adapting in real-time. It’s not about ever arriving at one single goal or objective. It’s about becoming the person you actually want to be, and living as them each day — even when it’s hard. It’s harder to live a life that’s not true. And I think that’s what you need to remember. 

When it comes to personal growth, it can feel as though it is a never-ending journey. And, in a way, I think that is because the work of stepping into ourselves is never truly finished. And this can become exhausting, to say the least. With that said, how can The Pivot Year help make our healing and self-actualization journeys more successful and fulfilling?

My goal is to make growth feel more like the essence of, and an extension of, being wholly human… rather than a never-ending project to prove yourself as worthy of something you think someone else is withholding from you and might give if your prove yourself enough for it. My goal is to help everyone realize that this life will always present us with challenges, and it’s going to be how we learn to respond to them that determines our outcomes… not whether or not we can avoid them entirely. If we numb ourselves to the discomfort, we begin numbing ourselves to the joy. But that doesn’t mean we need to make our personal growth a constant forward motion. Often, the deepest growth comes from staying still. From learning to pause. From deep rest. From feeling that pinching, stinging hurt — and choosing not to act on it. Growth is as quiet as it is loud. And I hope that’s something The Pivot Year helps everyone to remember. 

If you could go back in time at the start of one of your own pivot years, what do you wish you had done differently? And what would you have kept the same?

I wish I would have found my courage earlier. Every change I have ever made — beginning relationships and ending them, moving, again and again, altering and adjusting my work-life so that I had time and space for what I actually cared about, who I spent time with and didn’t, what habits and coping mechanisms I allowed into my life and then when I had to draw a line in the sand — it never came out of nowhere. It was always the inevitable end-point of a clear trajectory that I could see at the beginning. I wish I had found the grace and bravery to change course when I knew I needed to. I wish I had wasted less time.  

For anyone who has not yet been introduced to you and your work, what would you want them to know about both yourself and your writing? 

I am not trying to sound self-deprecating here, and I hope that this will come across clearly — I am just a person trying to figure it out. And I want for us to all figure it out together. I write what I have needed to read. What’s helped me and soothed me and moved me forward. And then I offer it up to whoever might need it next. I’m not special in the way that a lot of writers in my genre are. I don’t have any exceptional accolades, other than that I have felt deeply called to write my heart out, and have done it with all the truth and conviction I could muster, and have found the courage to share it, again and again, and I hope that when you read my words, you will realize that from one stranger to another… you really aren’t alone. 

Anything else you want the world to know about yourself and The Pivot Year?

What I know for sure is that we cannot lose what’s meant for us. When we grow more completely into the people we are meant to be, the things that are meant for us meet us at a deeper and more beautiful place than ever before. Every time I was afraid to make a change, I was scared because I didn’t want to lose love in some way, shape or form. What I didn’t know was that to be loved as a person I wasn’t… is not to be loved at all. It wasn’t until I opened my heart to my own self… that others could meet it there, too. 

The Pivot Year is available now on Shop Catalog.

It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution.

It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do, like sweat through another workout or tell a toxic friend you don’t want to see them anymore or get a second job so you can have a savings account or figure out a way to accept yourself so that you’re not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything, all the time and then needing to take deliberate, mandated breaks from living to do basic things like drop some oil into a bath and read Marie Claire and turn your phone off for the day.

A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do.

It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends. It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.

The act of self-care has become yet another thing women are expected to be good at. Did you use the right filter for that ‘gram of your impeccably prepared acai bowl? Are the candles you just lit in your Snap story made from organic hand-poured soy or are they that mass-produced factory shit? And how can we stem the inevitable capitalist tide from turning something as simple as self-care into yet another thing to be bought and sold? These are all things I wrestle with as I order Dominos in sweatpants under the guise of ‘being good to myself.’ – quote via Amil Niazi

If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.

It is no longer using your hectic and unreasonable life as justification for self-sabotage in the form of liquor and procrastination. It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself… and maybe finding that taking care lovingly attends to a lot of the problems you were trying to fix in the first place.

It means being the hero of your life, not the victim. It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good. It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked. It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people.

It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.

Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want to change. Stop showing up for people who are indifferent about your presence. Stop prioritizing people who make you an option. Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.

I know that your instinct is to do whatever you can to earn the good graces of everyone you can, but that is also the impulse that will rob you of your time, your energy and your sanity.

When you start showing up to your life wholly and completely, with joy and interest and commitment, not everyone is going to be ready to meet you there.

It doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. It means you need to stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you. 

If you’re left out, subtly insulted, mindlessly forgotten about or easily disregarded by the people you spend the most time with, you’re doing yourself an incredible disservice by continuing to offer your energy and life to them.

The truth is that you are not for everyone, and everyone is not for you. That’s what makes it so special when you do find the few people with whom you have a genuine friendship, love or relationship: you’ll know how precious it is because you’ve experienced what it isn’t.

But the longer you spend trying to force someone to love you when they aren’t capable, the longer you’re robbing yourself of that very connection. It is waiting for you. There are billions of people on this planet, and so many of them are going to meet you at your level, vibe where you are, connect with where you’re going.

… But the longer you stay small, tucked into the familiarity of the people who use you as a cushion, a back burner option, a therapist and a ploy for their emotional labor, the longer you keep yourself out of the community you crave.

Maybe if you stop showing up, you’ll be less liked.

Maybe you’ll be forgotten about altogether.

Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will cease.

Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for days and weeks.

Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve.

That doesn’t mean you ruined a relationship. It means that the only thing sustaining a relationship was the energy you and you alone were putting into it.

That’s not love. That’s attachment.

The most precious, important thing that you have in your life is your energy. It is not your time that is limited, it is your energy. What you give it to each day is what you will create more and more of in your life. What you give your time to is what will define your existence. 

When you realize this, you’ll begin to understand why you’re so anxious when you spend your time with people who are wrong for you, and in jobs or places or cities that are wrong, too.

You’ll begin to realize that the foremost important thing you can do for your life and yourself and everyone you know is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.

Make your life a safe haven in which only people that can care and listen and connect are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving people.

You are not responsible for convincing them they want to be saved.

It is not your job to show up for people and give away your life to them, little by little, moment by moment, because you pity them, because you feel bad, because you “should,” because you’re obligated, because, at the root of it all, you’re afraid to not be liked back.

It is your job to realize that you are the master of your fate, and that you are accepting the love you think you’re worthy of.

Decide you’re deserving of real friendship, true commitment and complete love with people who are healthy and thriving.

Then wait in the darkness, just for a little bit…

… And watch how quickly everything begins to change.

We feel “I love you,” but say “that’s great.” We stay cool, stay detached.

We feel “I miss you,” but text “I’ll let you know when I’m free.” We pretend not to care.

We feel “I need you,” but answer “doin’ good.” We pretend to be strong.

We think we’re being cool by perpetrating the falsehood that deep feelings are wrong. We’re part of the problem. We’re continuing the cycle of loneliness instead of forging a new path toward connection. We play into the idea of “cool,” but all it brings us is coldness.

I admire those who are unapologetically themselves. Those who hand out their hearts with every interaction, without fear there’ll eventually be nothing left. I aspire to be like them.

If you’re the girl who feels “too much,” I want you to know that your vulnerability is a gift. It does not make you weak. Don’t let them convince you that you’re too soft. It is okay to think with your heart. Admirable, even. Loving deep and being in tune with your emotions isn’t a fault. One of the most beautiful things about love is that you make your own rules—it’s not possible to do it wrong, as long as you’re doing it honestly.

You just need to find someone who’s in awe of your strong emotional capacity instead of burdened by it. And to find them, you have to keep putting yourself out there—showing the world the hidden treasures that are raw emotions.

You owe it to yourself to chase after your dreams. If you never try, then you’re going to be weighed down by your regrets. You’re always going to wonder how your life would’ve turned out if you actually took a chance on yourself. Don’t let that happen. Don’t let your future self be disappointed by your present self. You have so much potential hidden inside yourself, and you deserve to explore it. You don’t have to sit around, daydreaming about what you might do in the future. You can take action right now. You can do anything you want to do, and you can do it today.

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many people have warned you that you’re never going to succeed. Even the most successful people have had their doubts about whether they had what it took to make it in their field. Even though it’s hard, you need to ignore the doubts in the back of your mind. Ignore the fear stopping you in your tracks. Ignore the haters who are only bringing you down to feel better about themselves.

At the end of the day, you need to do whatever makes you the happiest. Carve out a path for yourself that will lead to the most satisfaction. If you allow your fear to get the best of you, you’re never going to forgive yourself. You need to move past your insecurities and explore your full potential. It’s what you would encourage your friends to do, so why aren’t you giving yourself that same push?

Remember, this doesn’t mean you need to give up your day job. This doesn’t mean you need to give up the stable life you’ve already built for yourself. Sometimes, following your dreams means carving out a little bit of time to pursue your passion each day. Sometimes, it means a slight shift in your schedule. You don’t have to give up everything to follow your gut. You can try to balance your dreams with the life you have now. If it goes well, then you can continue shifting.

Don’t let anyone talk you out of pursuing your dreams — especially yourself. You need to trust yourself. Believe in yourself. Take a chance on yourself. Ask yourself what would be worse. If you tried and failed and tried again, or if you never found out what you were truly capable of achieving.

Chase after your dreams, even if that means you might face rejection. Chase after your dreams, even though that means you might need to break out of your comfort zone. Chase after your dreams, even though it means entering the unknown.

Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first, especially when it comes to your mental health. You’re allowed to be selfish. You’re allowed to make decisions that benefit you, even if they upset the people around you. It doesn’t matter if anyone else understands or respects your decision. All that matters is that you care about yourself enough to do what is best for yourself. You should never sacrifice your mental health for anyone else. After all, if they really cared about you, they would encourage you to do whatever you need to do.

Don’t feel guilty for disappointing other people, even the people you love. You can’t make career choices, relationship choices, or any general life choices based on what your parent or partner wants from you. You need to do what brings you the most happiness. There’s no reason to make them happy if it means making yourself miserable. When it comes to your life, your emotions and your opinions are the most important.

Don’t feel guilty for causing conflict. If someone upsets you, you don’t have to pretend everything is fine to keep the peace. You don’t have to act polite when someone is completely disrespecting you. You’re allowed to speak your mind and say what’s wrong. You’re allowed to call people out when they cross an unforgivable line. You shouldn’t feel pressured to stay quiet when you’re suffering on the inside.

Don’t feel guilty about saying no when your plate is full. Even though you have a kind heart, you can’t help everyone who asks for a hand. You don’t want to burn yourself out to please someone else. Sometimes, you need to let others down. Sometimes, you need to do what makes the most sense for you instead of running around, trying to entertain everyone else.

Remember, you’re allowed to be selfish, but this doesn’t mean you need to walk around, only caring about yourself. This doesn’t mean you should say and do whatever you want without any regard for the people around you. This doesn’t mean you’re allowed to disrespect your family and friends. It only means that you shouldn’t let people walk over you. You shouldn’t let others make your decisions for you. You shouldn’t assume family members and friends know you better than you know yourself.

Don’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for yourself. Don’t hesitate to do what makes you the happiest because, at the end of the day, you’re the only person you can rely on.

Some people get mad because they miss the old version of you. The one they liked and got used to. The one they could easily manipulate because they knew that you would always be there, you would always put their needs above your own and they knew that you would always choose them over yourself. Now you keep choosing yourself and putting yourself first and it’s not serving them anymore. Now you don’t care if they abandon you or leave you or stop hanging out with you because you’re finally loving your own company and realizing that you’re perfectly fine without some people’s love and approval. Now you’re focusing on yourself and making things happen and it’s pissing some people off.

And it’s not always out of ill will or bad intentions but that one friend liked it when you would accommodate them whenever they needed you at their convenience and you never said a word. That ex liked the fact you were still hung up on them even after all the hurt they’ve caused you. That one boss liked it when they would belittle you so they could take all the credit because they knew you wouldn’t complain. That one family member liked it when they would blame you for all their failures and clear themselves from all their wrongdoings. It’s simple, people don’t like it when you see through their lies and manipulations. People don’t like it when you used to let things go but now you speak up. People don’t like it when you used to make them feel good about themselves but now you call them out and people don’t like it when you treat them the same way they treat you.

Some people get mad when you start loving yourself more because it means that you will no longer let things slide or be available to their disrespect or tolerate their behavior, and these are the exact people who made you question your self-worth and made you feel like you don’t deserve more. They would always pull you back in their web whenever you tried to break free but nothing feels better than releasing yourself from this web and from their judgments. Nothing feels better than betting on yourself and winning. Nothing feels better than looking these people in the eye and they no longer get to you, they no longer intimidate you, they no longer have a soft spot, and they’re no longer on a pedestal. Nothing feels better than putting people back in their place and putting yourself first instead.

1. You are not good enough.

One of the most common toxic mindsets is the belief that we’re not good enough for something, whether it’s a certain university or a job or a relationship, because at some point in our lives we wanted something so badly and we didn’t get it or it went to someone else, thus it became second nature to fear not getting something we want because we don’t want to feel that kind of pain again, so we don’t even try. The truth is, we may not be qualified enough for a job we want and we may not be the right person for someone we want, but that doesn’t mean we’re not good enough, it just means that some things are meant to be ours or for us and it also means that we still have some work to do on our own before we can truly be ready for some experiences. The key here is not to let that mindset paralyze you from trying and you have to feel worthy and deserving of whatever you want, even if you don’t get it. In order to change the pattern, you have to change your mindset, even if the outcome is not the one you want. It’s all about what’s happening on the inside, not what’s happening on the outside.

2. Everyone leaves me.

Another common toxic mindset is the belief that everyone will eventually leave you, and that develops from childhood abandonment issues or losing someone dear to you at a very young age. You start building walls to protect your heart and eventually reenact the scenario that the people you love will leave you and you’ll end up alone, so you sometimes sabotage your own relationships. This is more evident in romantic relationships where one partner is always in a defensive mindset operating from a lack of trust and always feeling neglected and abandoned by their partner. To heal your abandonment issues, you must first get to the root of how it all started and which parts of it are you carrying into your relationships. Are you triggered because your partner did something offensive or are you triggered because this behavior reminds you of an old wound that you still need to tend to? Self-awareness and introspection in your own relationships are crucial to start healing your abandonment issues and getting rid of the beliefs that everyone will eventually leave you or things will always end badly. Your relationships can end for many reasons, but it makes all the difference when you look back and know that you gave it your all and you didn’t let your own limiting beliefs or insecurities define that relationship or determine where it goes.

3. You have to struggle to get what you want.

This is something we were all programmed to believe, statements like “no pain, no gain” or “life is unfair” keep us stuck in struggle mode. This belief may sound good at first but the reality of it is toxic, because anything that comes easy to us makes us feel like we don’t deserve it because we didn’t work hard for it. This mentality stops us from dreaming big or following our hearts or our passion because we are conditioned to believe that we have to work hard and struggle to earn the life we want, and we often feel guilty if we are living a less busy or stressful life than our peers, so we try to fill our time with things that don’t excite us just so we can go back home at the end of the day and feel ‘productive.’ It’s not a one size fits all for everyone, and if you are happy with the way your life is, even if you don’t work too hard or you’re not always swamped with things to do, then that’s all that matters. How others view your life is not your problem. We need to start believing that good things can be easy and struggle free and our dreams can be achieved without pain or struggle.

4. You can’t quit.

Similar to the previous point, we live in a society that judges quitters negatively. We’re always bombarded with motivational messages like “don’t quit now, don’t be a quitter, quitting is for losers… etc.” but sometimes quitting is the best and only option for you. I’m not saying don’t fight hard for what you want and what you love, but when you no longer have the energy or the motivation or the desire to keep going, when whatever it is you’re committed to is making it hard to wake up every morning and feel good about your life or yourself, it’s okay to quit. It’s okay to quit the job that makes you miserable. It’s okay to quit that relationship that’s been hurting you. It’s okay to quit living in a city that sucks the life out of you. Depending on your situation, sometimes staying is more toxic than quitting.

5. You have to be the bigger person.

Last but not least, learning how to be the bigger person was the way most of us were raised, but truthfully, it can be extremely toxic in some situations and with some people who cross the line and poison our lives. Being the bigger person doesn’t work with everyone because we are better off without some people in our lives. Cutting ties with friends or partners who constantly disrespect you or bring constant drama and problems into your life is the only healthy thing to do, and being the bigger person in these situations will only draw in more toxicity and more unfavorable circumstances. It’s important to be empathetic, kind, and forgiving in some cases, but you have to draw the line and set boundaries with people who don’t have any or people who only make your life more difficult.

Keep going, even when you’ve screwed up. Don’t waste too much time feeling sorry for yourself. As long as you grow from the experience and try your best to do better in the future, then you should be proud of yourself. You’re only human. You’re not always going to say the right thing at the right time. You’re bound to fumble and fall. What matters most is how you bounce back from those setbacks.

Keep going, even if you feel completely alone. There are more people in this world who care about you than you realize. Even if you’ve lost a few along the way, there will be more waiting around the corner. Remember, you are worthy of attention and affection and undying love. You are going to find your people eventually. They’re out there, and they’re probably feeling as lost as you are right now — but once you come together, everything will feel right.

Keep going, even when you feel hopeless. Don’t give up on yourself because you are overflowing with potential. You are destined for beautiful things, but you need to stick around long enough to experience them. Even though it’s tempting to give up, you owe it to yourself to keep trying. It might be hard today, and it might be even harder tomorrow, but eventually making it through the day won’t be a struggle anymore. Eventually, you’ll discover the happiness you’ve deserved all along.

Keep going, even when times are hard. Life isn’t always going to be fun and exciting. There are going to be road bumps and obstacles along your journey. You’re going to have moments when you feel like everything is coming together and moments when it feels like everything is falling apart. This is normal. This is what it means to be human.

Keep going, even when you aren’t sure what you want out of this world. Even when you feel like there’s nothing out there that could possibly make you happy. Remember, the way you’re feeling right now is temporary. You’re not going to feel so uncomfortable forever. But you need to make the choice to take care of yourself. You need to put effort into feeling better because you deserve to be okay.

Keep going, even when you’re exhausted. Remember, strength doesn’t mean putting on a fake smile and accomplishing everything on your to-do list. Sometimes, strength is simply getting out of bed in the morning and making yourself your favorite breakfast. Sometimes, strength is stepping into a cold shower when all you want to do is sleep. If you can’t do anything big, start with the small things. And if you can’t do the small things, that’s okay too. Sometimes, you need a second. Rest isn’t the enemy. You need to recharge. But you also need to have faith in yourself. You need to pick yourself up and keep going.